Give it a Rest

Now, I could write pages about this topic, but I neither want to make myself more stressed out than I already am nor do I want to bore my readers to death, so I will make my rant as concise as possible.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or in California or New York), you’ve undoubtedly heard about the democrats’ bogus articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump. Said efforts at attempting to impeach a duly elected sitting president have been at the center of American news since he was elected. Because Trump isn’t a member of the Deep State Anti-American Club, the deluded liberal left has not failed to remind us of their efforts to get rid of him through whatever means necessary.

What they fail to comprehend is that you can’t get rid of a president simply because you don’t like him. They never thought Hillary Clinton would lose, but she did. The FBI had an “insurance policy” in place, but that, too, was uncovered. The phony Steele dossier has been debunked. The throngs of women who falsely accused Trump of sexual harassment with no proof have faded from the mainstream media news cycle. The Robert Mueller witch hunt laid a big goose egg. Numerous other bullshit attempts to discredit, disparage, and dispatch Trump have all failed.

So, even though Trump (according to Nancy Pelosi) has been “impeached forever,” in reality, he has been “exonerated forever” as the Senate found him not guilty of the made-up “charges” against him.

But, of course, the deluded, brainwashed, and unhinged treasonous left will not let it go. They will continue to do whatever they can to take Trump down, all at the expense of actually doing their job of representing their constituents for the betterment of the US. They have become the “enemies foreign and domestic” from whom they swore to protect the country.

What a complete and utter waste of the past two years by the House of Representatives to cover their own crimes as the unleashing of holy hell is about to befall them.

We desperately need term limits in Congress to prevent crooked representatives and senators from accumulating millions of dollars from illicit kickbacks and other crimes. They have demonstrated for years that they only represent themselves, and it floors me that so many liberals stand by them. These traitors will do anything to take Trump down to further their own efforts to destroy the U.S. and turn it into a third-world socialist/communist shit-hole nation for their own ill-begotten gains.

Thank God the majority of Americans can see through the left’s lies and deceit. Trump will win 2020 by a landslide. Mark my words.

I'm Pooped

Whilst reading my email in the bathroom, I had an Archimedes Eureka! moment that gave me the perfect idea for a blog. Interestingly, most of my blog ideas stem from some sort of bathroom activity.

Anyway, I was changing my toilet paper roll, and while smashing the roll into the holder and subsequently (and unsuccessfully) wresting some paper from the now oblong roll, I wondered how we, as society, evolved from normal rolls of toilet paper to rolls that resemble Big Wheel tires that oftentimes don’t even fit into standard sized roll holders.

Granted, original rolls are, indeed, too small. My boyfriend refers to them as “single use” rolls because (and shhhh don’t tell him) he tends to spend a lot of time in the little boys’ room.) But I digress.

Then we were introduced to double rolls. Okay, that makes sense especially for those who tend to use more than their fair share of the product (cough-boyfriend-cough.)

But, wait! The paper industry powers that be rolled out (pun intended) jumbo rolls. Again, these were good because we, er most of us, didn’t have to change them as frequently, and they still fit on the roll holder.

Then, lo and behold, what’s this I see? Mega rolls which are four baby rolls packed into one. However, given the nature of human beings to always want more and bigger and better, introducing (drum roll please) jumbo mega rolls. These are approximately the equivalent of, what, ten regular rolls? All I know is that they don’t fit on my roll holders, and I’m certainly not going to invest in a decorative freestanding toilet paper rack when I have perfectly good rollers attached to the side of my cabinets. Besides, I’m a klutz, and invariably, the holder and I will be involved in some sort of collision. Repeatedly.

In fact, the last time I went toilet paper shopping, I couldn’t even find anything smaller than jumbo mega rolls. I always look for the best bargain in a cost-per-roll calculation. Did I want the nine-pack that is equivalent to 84 regular rolls or the 32-pack that was the equivalent of 812 regular rolls. I didn’t feel like doing math, so I just got the Charmin with the green label that I particularly like. And it was on sale to boot.

What’s next Procter & Gamble, Georgia-Pacific, and Kimberly Clark? Gigarolls? One enormous roll packaged like those giant five-pound Hershey Kisses or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups? (I love Reese’s by the way.)

I can’t wait.

Parched

I have recently become quite addicted to Powerade Zero. But only the red ones. You know, fruit punch. It’s a nice replacement for sugar-laden soda (although I will still drink one on occasion) and provides a pleasant change from the gallons of water I consume daily.

As far as the zeros go, it is available in orange, grape, and blue mixed berry. Yuck. Yuck. Super Yuck. And, of course, the red fruit punch. While I have no problem whatsoever finding my beloved beverage in the 32-ounce size (and, I might add heavily discounted thanks to grocery store sales), trying to find the eight-pack of 20-ounce bottles is even more difficult than trying to locate a needle in a haystack, a four-leaf clover in a field, or your contact lenses on casino carpet.

And before you think it, just don’t. Gatorade is gross. Truly repugnant.

I have looked high and low, in numerous Albertsons, Smith’s, and Vons, and in several Walmarts and Targets to no avail. Oh sure, the disgusting blue ones are everywhere. In fact, in many retail outlets, there’s not even a space on the shelves for the fruit punch ones. Regular fruit punch is abundant but not the zero ones. Why is that, Coca Cola? Why is this item so damn difficult to find? I’ve even asked grocery managers to order it, which, apparently, they can’t, or, more accurately, won’t. Pfft.

Yes, I know I can order it on Amazon and have it delivered like some antisocial shut-in who can’t grocery shop for herself. But that’s beside the point even though I may be just a skosh antisocial. Just a skosh, mind you. But I enjoy grocery shopping. I particularly relish playing “Stump the Checker” with some uncommon produce item that very few people purchase such as fennel, rutabagas, or parsnips which force the person ringing me up to ask what it is. Sometimes, when I’m feeling really obnoxious, I memorize the item’s number and provide that to the cashier.

Well, I’m off to order 12 family packs of Powerade Zero fruit punch from Amazon. Until next time.

Don't Call an Audible

Who else gets thoroughly annoyed and, frankly, disgusted listening to professional athletes’ post-game interviews when they can’t even speak clearly or correctly? These are allegedly college graduates who had to have taken a few English classes and likely a public speaking course to graduate. Now, I’m not expecting perfect enunciation and pronunciation, but I do expect to be able to understand what the athlete is saying.

I’m going to focus on the NFL because I hate basketball and rarely have issues like this with MLB and NHL. In fact, the NHL has the best commentators and speaking athletes around. Even with those cute Canadian accents, eh?

Back to football. Perhaps if these individuals majored in, oh, anything other than communications (what a huge twist of irony, don’tcha think?!), then, perhaps, we might understand them without closed captioning or a translator. In my opinion, Shannon Sharpe should be the poster child for “What the fuck did he say!?”

Now this isn’t to say that all NFL players are stup, er, communications majors who sound like they have a mouthful of marshmallows. (Oh, speaking of marshmallows, when my kids were little, I would keep a bag of large marshmallows by the phone so when they interrupted me, which was often, I would stuff a marshmallow into their mouths and be able to finish my phone call. But I digress.)

In fact, many current and former NFL players are well spoken and highly educated. Here’s a small sampling in list form because I like lists:

  1. Ryan Fitzpatrick graduated from Harvard with a degree in economics.
  2. Drew Brees earned his degree in industrial management from Purdue and was named Sports Illustrated’s 2010 2nd smartest NFL player (behind Ryan Fitzpatrick).
  3. Andrew Luck graduated from Stanford with a degree in architectural design.
  4. Richard Sherman (yeah, I was surprised too) attended Stanford on an academic scholarship after graduating high school with a 4.2 GPA and #2 in his entire class.
  5. Benjamin Watson attended both Duke and Georgia, majored in finance, and is a twice-published author.
  6. Jacob Tamme graduated from Kentucky with a 3.82 GPA and earned a master’s degree in business administration.
  7. Alex Smith graduated from Utah in only two years with a degree in economics. He also attended graduate school.
  8. Steve Young graduated from BYU’s J. Reuben Clark Law School with a J.D..
  9. Cris Collinsworth also earned a J.D. from the University of Cincinnati Law School.
  10. Carson Wentz attended North Dakota State where he carried a 4.0 GPA.

On a side note, athletes who have retired and who are color commentators during live games should be forced to go through the concussion protocol before being hired (ahem Troy Aikman, anyone?) Just like the actual announcer, these commentator sidekicks should be interesting. There’s nothing worse than being forced to watch a game with boring commentary (ahem, yawn, Dan Fouts, anyone?) I was surprised at how eloquent and interesting Tony Romo is as an announcer because I didn’t care for him as a player.

The same should be said for sideline reporters. Now, as female, I appreciate the increase in female commentators and interviewers in professional sports but not if they’re just there to be the “token” female. I am thoroughly sick and tired of stupid questions like, “Hey coach, what do your players need to do during the break?” Um, play better, you moron?! “

Anyway, folks, there’s my $.02. For now.

Bite Your Tongue

I hate being called “ma’am.” Yes, I know “hate” is a strong word and leaves a bad taste in some people’s mouths. So, I ask these folks, what would you prefer? Abhor? Detest? Loathe? Despise? Insert your preferred word, but I’m going to stick with “hate.” Because I do.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand that those who utter it (as well as “sir”) do so out of respect, and kudos to their parents for instilling within their children manners and respect because, Lord knows, there is a huge shortage of manners in today’s world (a topic best left for another rant.)

Anyway, back to “ma’am.”

What would I rather be called? Oh, how about ANYTHING else: “miss” or “mizz”, perhaps? “Madam”, maybe (even though I don’t own a brothel.) Even “sir”, “bro”, or “dude” is preferable to “ma’am”. As someone who is deep in the throes of a midlife crisis that has been ongoing for, oh, 13 years, anything that makes me uber cognizant of the fact that I am, despite my utter contempt for the word, middle-aged needn’t be said. Ever.

I’m doing a fantastic job of fighting this whole aging thing. Seriously, I am. Not only do I not look my age, I neither feel nor act it, thanks to a (mostly) healthy diet, regular exercise, no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, outstanding skin care, and good genes. I oftentimes pass for late 30’s-early 40’s, and this removes a bit of the sting from being called “ma’am” and my ever-increasing age.

Oh, by the way, I’m looking for a fake ID that makes me 34 again, so if anyone knows anyone in the “creative printing” business, please let me know.

Under the Big Top

Well, I was going to put off sharing my irritation with the political world, but I figured now was the time. I realize I’m going to alienate half-ish of my audience, but we do live in the United States and have freedom of speech thanks to our wonderful Constitution and Bill of Rights. And yes, while freedom of speech is not unlimited as the US Supreme Court issued certain exceptions, my blogging about my views, opinions, and irritations is wholly protected.

If you don’t like what I have to say, then don’t read it.

Moving on, I am a conservative who voted for, and will again vote for, Donald Trump. Unlike the majority of presidents in recent years (decades?), he actually cares for the US and her citizens. He does what he says he’s going to do (wow, what a concept?!). He actually gets results (stock market, Jerusalem, lowest unemployment rates in YEARS, impressive GDP, etc.). He’s getting our wall built to ensure that illegals, criminals, drugs, and human traffickers cannot simply enter our country willy-nilly. Kudos, sir. Keep up the good work.

The fact that he is a businessman and not a career politician who became a millionaire whilst in office (a la Clinton, Obama, Pelosi, Schumer, Kerry, Lynch, Comey, Waters, Brennan, McCain, Feinstein, Schiff, Clapper, Biden, etc. etc. etc. doing what, pray tell?) was and continues to be, perhaps, his biggest selling point and the reason why his support continues to increase. Yes, increase. Don’t believe the liberal propaganda on CNN, MSNBC, CNBC, etc.

That said, the relentless witch hunt by the left has not only wasted and continues to waste considerable time, money, and other resources, but is also wholly unfounded and based upon proven lies. The author of the infamous “pee dossier” admitted under oath in front of Congress that it was based on lies. After THREE-AND-A-HALF YEARS, there is still no evidence of Russian collusion between Trump and Putin.

And now the impeachment sham. Yes, sham. There is zero evidence of any impeachable offenses committed by our current president. Too bad the same can’t be said for the predecessor who, hopefully, will end up in prison along with Clinton and the rest of their treasonous minions. These asinine traitors want to negate the will of the people and overturn a perfectly legitimate election. When the Mueller investigation wasted millions of dollars and did nothing, the impeachment talk began. First, they talked about impeaching Trump for obstruction of justice and collusion. Now it’s, what, obstruction of Congress and bribery? Seriously.

Trump didn’t provide political favors and tons of money to get his unqualified loser son a job with a Ukranian power company. Trump didn’t sell Putin 1/4 of US uranium. Trump didn’t send a palette full of cash to Iran. Trump didn’t say, “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor” before making health insurance completely unaffordable. Trump didn’t let Americans die in Benghazi. Trump didn’t delete 30,000 emails after being subpoenaed. Trump didn’t have people killed who had evidence against him. I could go on, but I’m just going to irritate myself even more.

And you know what? The American people (those with a brain who can see through the lamestream, er mainstream media’s anti-American spin) are sick of it. Let the democrats continue with their three-ring circus as their snowflake lemmings prepare to be disappointed yet again come November. I am certainly entertained watching them self-destruct. And I’m not the only one.

That reminds me. I need to get more popcorn.

Say What?

Most of us text. With the plethora of smart phones and quasi-affordable talk and text (and data) plans, really, the only people who don’t text are folks like my stepdad who still has a flip phone and long-time Sprint customers because Sprint could give a shit about long-time loyal customers.

Anyway, many of us voice text. I do it when I’m driving, I mean stopped at a red light, or when I’m writing or cleaning or otherwise using my hands. The problem with voice texting is that it doesn’t understand English. Seriously, some of the shit that my phone thinks it hears is ridiculous.

For example, I say, “Oh, the moon is pretty tonight.” But it comes out as, “Show the men’s pretty alright.” Huh?! Or how about the time I said, “I could stay up really late and then be in bed when you get home,” yet the message is bastardized into “I could stay up Billy Kate and then being dead when you get home.” A recent favorite of mine was, “I need to get both of my knees x-rayed” which became “I need to get both of my fees x-rated.” Good one, phone. Thanks.

Another issue with voice texting is that you have to be careful that there’s nobody else speaking that the phone may inadvertently pick up. A couple of months ago I was voice texting a supervisor at work while talking to my boyfriend and ended up ending my text with “I love you.” Of course, I was mortified and had to immediately follow that message up with one explaining that it wasn’t meant for him. Even worse, I was voice texting my boss and my phone picked up (from the television) “There’s no fucking way.” Good grief. That was another OMG I’m getting fired moment. Thankfully, my boss is a cool guy and chuckled at my panicked explanation. Needless to say, I don’t voice text anyone at work anymore.

I do realize that a lot of problems could be avoided if one proofreads the message before hitting send (and ensures that it’s going to the right person), but that just makes too much sense and is too difficult to do whilst driving, er, I mean stopped at a red light.

Do you have any embarrassing and egregious text mishaps? I’d love to read them.