Good Grief, Charlie Brown

I’ve had it. Seriously. Had it.

I went to the car wash today and they had every other vacuum coned off with signs that said “we’re practicing social distancing.” And about half the people there were wearing face masks.

First of all, you can’t catch the hoax COVID-19 flu bug outside. It is ONLY transmittable if you are sneezed or coughed on by an infected person or happen to touch something that an infected person recently sneezed or coughed on. It’s not some magical virus that floats in the air waiting to invade human hosts.

Thus, social distancing outside is ridiculous. Throw face masks into the equation and it’s beyond ridiculous. Ludicrous. Laughable. Absurd.

Second, it’s almost 90 fucking degrees in Las Vegas. The “virus” doesn’t live long in high heat or sunlight. It also doesn’t like humidity. In fact, the reason why the flu is more prevalent during the winter months is because the weather is colder, and people aren’t out in shorts and swimsuits producing Vitamin D from sunlight exposure. And this is nothing more than a flu bug with fewer cases and deaths than other flu bugs. The CDC inflated its numbers of COVID-19 cases by requiring every death, no matter the cause, be recorded as COVID-19 related, and recently had to go back and correct them.

Yet, the mainstream media fake news brainwashed sheep persist with their incredulous fear that we are all going to catch this horrific deadly virus and die.

There’s no evidence. None. Zero. Hospitals have been under capacity so much so that medical workers are being laid off and/or having their hours cut. Here in Las Vegas, emergency rooms and ICU wards have been empty. It’s all bullshit and has been since the beginning.

Granted, older people or those with preexisting conditions may, in fact, be more susceptible to this virus just like they are likely susceptible to EVERY OTHER VIRUS. The reason Italy saw so many deaths was that the country’s average age is 81 years.

Healthy people, however, don’t need to be so damn paranoid and think that wearing a face mask outside in the summer heat (or in their vehicles) does anything except make sane people laugh at their ridiculousness.

Traffic Fines Doubled

As much as I’d like to continue to bitch about this whole COVID-19 bullshit, I figured I would give you all a break. Instead, let’s talk about road work, shall we? I mean, everyone has to deal with road work, detours, and delays, don’t they? Well, maybe not the Amish, but still.

In some areas, road work is a season because inclement weather destroys the streets so much that it takes seemingly eons to fix. And then there are other areas with nonstop road construction.

Las Vegas is one such area.

It’s bad enough that the traffic is ridiculous (although it has been pretty nice during the “plandemic” lockdown crap) thanks to tourists who can’t drive. Seriously. If you look at the license plates of most of the idiots on the road who speed, drive slowly in the fast lane, park in two parking spots, and whatever other moronic hazard they can create, invariably, it’s an out-of-state plate. Now, I don’t want to point any fingers, but, Texas cough Arizona ahem and California cough tend to have more than their fare share of stupid drivers coming to visit Sin City.

Anyway, back to road work. You’d think that given the fact that the entire world has been locked down for two months that the vast majority of road work in Las Vegas (including finishing some that has been going on even longer) would have been completed by now. I mean, there was virtually no traffic on the roads. Right?

No.

In addition to the previously unfinished paving, widening, and whatever else they were doing, there are now even more blocked off streets in various stages of construction. With states lifting their lockdown restrictions (or people just saying “Fuck it”), more and more folks are getting out and about, and the roads are, once again, littered with moronic drivers who don’t comprehend the concepts of merging, turn signals, full stops, and tailgating.

You would think (at least a reasonable person would think) that the City and County offices in charge would have ensured that work was finished. After all, construction workers were deemed “essential” workers, so they were able to stay on the job while the majority of us have been sitting at home slowly going insane while waiting for life to return to normal.

So, what did they do? Nothing! Absofuckinglutely nothing! Well, if you want to count decorative traffic cone placement across the entire Vegas valley as essential work, then go right ahead.

Enough Already!

We’re going on two months now with this ridiculous lockdown bullshit with every store advertising “social distancing” with their asinine little footprints taped to the floor, one-way signs down aisles, the new retail Gestapo sitting outside denying entrance to patrons who aren’t mask-clad, and lines to get inside because only ten people at a time are allowed inside Walmart or Home Depot at a time. Even Vons has recently issued “mandatory mask” Tuesdays and Thursdays. Guess I won’t be shopping there ever again.

I’ve discussed this idiocy before here. Read, enjoy, share.

Seriously, though, how many people do YOU know personally who have, have had, or have died from COVID-19? I don’t care if your coworker’s mother’s best friend from high school’s husband’s grandmother’s neighbor was infected because that isn’t someone you know personally. Further, how do you know you/he/she/they even had the virus? You’re trusting the word of the medical provider who has an ulterior motive, whether that be orders from supervisors or the fact that hospitals earn money for each COVID-19 case.

Even more troubling is the fact that New York hospitals have been placing patients on ventilators that are set at too high of a setting for alleged COVID-19 patients. The end result of this is an inordinate number of deaths due to lung trauma directly attributed to these ventilators. Way to go, New York. We already knew Bill DeBlasio and Andrew Cuomo were self-serving halfwit losers, but they have sunk to a new low.

Here are the facts. First of all, the CDC has changed the number of COVID-19 related deaths, decreasing them significantly because, “Oh no, deaths from flu, pneumonia, cancer, heart attacks, car accidents, skydiving mishaps, and rabid raccoon bites, etc. have decreased substantially because they had ordered hospitals to list EVERY death as COVID-19 related regardless of whether the decedent had it or not.

Secondly, the CDC also issued new guidelines regarding face mask usage, and hey, guess what?!

“CDC does not recommend that people who are well wear a facemask to protect themselves from respiratory illnesses, including COVID-19. You should only wear a mask if a healthcare professional recommends it. A facemask should be used by people who have COVID-19 and are showing symptoms. This is to protect others from the risk of getting infected. The use of facemasks also is crucial for health workers and other people who are taking care of someone infected with COVID-19 in close settings (at home or in a health care facility).”

As someone who has never worn one, who never will, and who hasn’t gotten sick or killed anybody with my alleged asymptomatic hoax virus carrier status (*insert eye roll here), I am extremely humored and annoyed by the sheep who continue to wear them while driving in their cars alone, who don them while walking or running outside, and who only put them on as they enter a building (adjusting it, of course, with bare and likely unwashed and unsanitized hands.) I am seriously waiting to see some idiot walking his/her dog with a mask on the dog.

Making matters worse are draconian tyrannical governors and mayors who have God complexes (including Nevada’s own moron Governor Sisolak) and, despite President Trump’s recommendations to open America, these tyrants think they are kings and queens who can do whatever they want. Wrong. A.G. Barr isn’t going to let these idiots continue holding free Americans hostage over nothing. Remember, the Constitution is the supreme law of the land and this piece of parchment is the only paper we need.

Finally, if you are that scared to leave your house without your ineffective mask, dirty rubber gloves, and six-foot bubble around you, just stay home. The rest of us want to live our lives.

For more information, check out this post.

Open Sesame

I am so over this lockdown quarantine bullshit, and am ready for the US to open again. Since I’m in Las Vegas, I’m going to direct this toward our worthless governor for whom I certainly did not vote (and who I think should be recalled, but let’s save that for another post, shall we?!)

That said, President Trump has given guidelines as to when states should open, and many like Texas, Florida, and Utah have already started. Note that these are states with republican governors. Businesses are starting to open, outdoor recreation areas are open, people are getting out and getting sun and exercise and haircuts and other things that humans do because of this overblown, over-hyped FLU BUG (yes, COVID-19 is not even as serious as the flu.)

But there are also those draconian tyrannical commie POS governors who have strengthened mandates while expecting their constituents to kowtow at their smelly corrupt feet.

Now, the CDC in its (lack of) infinite wisdom, has added a slew of additional symptoms to the fever, cough, and trouble breathing “trademarks” of COVID-19. Let’s examine them. Headache, sore throat, chills, muscle pain, repeated shaking, new loss of smell/taste, sneezing, diarrhea, bunions, insomnia, and acne. Okay, okay, I added the last five, but seriously, folks. Oh look, let’s add more FLU symptoms to the fucking FLU. A pulled neck muscle?! Muscle pain and headaches. Uh oh, now you have COVID-19. Bullshit!! What about those with chronic migraines? Headaches, voila! What about allergies (from which I suffer)? Sneezing. Oh no!

My point is that this ongoing lockdown is ridiculous and completely unnecessary just like the sheep who continue to wear their little masks and gloves. First of all, as I already informed you all, masks don’t do shit. Especially when people wear them wrong and take them on and off with dirty hands. Good grief. And, didya know that heat KILLS the virus. It’s 100 fucking degrees here in Sin City already. Hey, the virus is dead. Stop wearing your stupid masks outside or in your 140-degree car.

Monitored entry into stores, requiring masks, tables between the public and the chickenshit tellers, and one-way signs on the floors are also laughably ludicrous.

Another point on the masks: some businesses require patrons to wear them. Hey, guess what? That’s unconstitutional. I have never worn a mask, nor will I, and if a business requires it, then I’ll go elsewhere.

These restrictions (ahem, pay attention Governor Sisolak) are so unconstitutional that Attorney General Barr has directed prosecutors to prosecute violators. Governors who overstep their boundaries and act like they are God are going to get theirs, and I hope sooner than later because I need a fucking haircut and color already.

Gentle, My Ass

Given that my tag line on this site is “Shit That Irritates Me,” I figured I’d tell you about my recent experience taking a laxative for the first time. I will try to be as minimally TMI as possible, but, seriously folks, I’m talking about poop. Everyone poops. Everyone.

Anyway, thanks to what WebMD and I thought was a minor stomach bug, I was having difficulties leaving a worthwhile deposit in the little girls’ room. So much so, that I was in some serious pain: somewhere between childbirth and stepping on a Lego. In this case, what’s a girl to do? Go shopping, duh! Off to the drug store!

Since I have a rather sensitive tummy, I didn’t want any high-powered, industrial, Drano-esque assistance with my “issue.” A pink (of course) box caught my eye. Dulcolax Pink Laxative for Sensitive Stomachs that boasted “gentle overnight relief.” Perfect. What could go wrong?

Famous last words.

Needless to say, it did, in fact, work. But gentle? Not in a million years.

Within about 30 minutes it felt like my innards were desperately trying to escape the confines of my abdominal cavity as an inmate would escape a prison by using a rock hammer and plastic spork. The pain was pretty unbearable, almost to the point that I was praying over the porcelain altar for my horrible monthly menstrual cramps because they are far less painful despite my homicidal urges during that time.

Gentle, my ass. Literally.

Compounding the problem was the constant and loud inhuman groaning noises emanating from my poor belly which satiated my desire to watch a horror movie that evening.

And then there was the poop, if you could call it that. My end result (pun intended) consisted of volcanic magma of a disturbing color that burned to a crisp anything (and I do mean anything) in its destructive path.

I think I’ll just up my fiber intake from now on. Hello flax seed, broccoli, and black beans.

The end. Haha.

Of Fries and Men

It’s a sad but true fact that many of us eat fast food even though the vast majority of it is unhealthy and relatively gross. Given the current “plandemic” shut down and subsequent stay home orders, many of us are itching to get out of the house and do something, anything besides sit at home cooking food and binge watching the Food Network. (Hey, I don’t criticize your obsession with The Walking Dead, Bates Motel, reruns of NFL Super Bowls past, or CSPAN.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, boredom and food; two things that go together like peanut butter and jelly, Penn and Teller, and donuts and diabetes. Anyway, it’s nice to get out once in a while and have a meal that you (or anyone to whom you’re related) didn’t cook. Given that virtually everything is closed except for takeout, we oftentimes succumb to the promise of “two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun” and the intoxicating smell of fresh McDonalds fries which you’re likely never going to want to eat after reading this.

Anyway, the point of this blog post is to illustrate an incident through which my boyfriend (who I will call Vincent* because I really like that name) recently went. Granted, the following is hearsay (but, of course, in true Irate Blogger fashion, embellished for humorous detail.) After finding a McDonalds that was actually open past 9:00 p.m. on a Saturday night in Las Vegas, Vinnie entered the drive-thru only to be met with their new limited menu during these tough coronavirus bullshit mass hysteria times.

When he reached the window, he was greeted by a manager (and I use that term loosely) who obviously LOVES his job who was wearing a mask and standing behind a bulletproof sneeze guard so the evil coronavirus that is floating around in the air waiting to pounce on everyone doesn’t infect and kill him like the brainwashed left would have you believe.

Anyway, apparently this clueless manager inadvertently handed Vincent’s order to the car in front of his. As any normal person would do, this person opened the bag, presumably looked, and then handed it back to the manager. When Vincent reached the window, this Einstein tried to hand Vincent the same bag. Are you fucking kidding me?! This moron is adorned in full hazmat PPE yet wants to give potentially contaminated food to a customer.

Needless to say, Vincent blew a gasket (he tends to do that a lot) and told the manager, “I’m not fucking taking this shit!” He had his order remade (if you could call it that) because the fries were cold, uncooked, and soggy, not unlike a … never mind, I’m not going there.)

Also needless to say, I will never be frequenting a McDonalds again. Now I need to find new fries.

*Name changed to protect the innocent.

Defining “Essential”

Throughout this whole coronavirus mass hysteria isolation “thing,” I’ve been going a little stir crazy (okay, a lot crazy) sitting at home. So much so, in fact, that my mind starting wandering (never a good thing) toward tidbits I wouldn’t have ordinarily thought.

One of them is what, exactly, constitutes an essential and/or non-essential business.

Here are my thoughts.

First of all, my tanning salon is an essential business. I haven’t been this white since I lived in snow country. Not only does sporting a nice bronze tan make me feel (and, undoubtedly, look) healthier, but the blast of rays boosts my Vitamin D levels and reduces my depression. Despite living in Las Vegas, I don’t have the privacy to tan outdoors in the manner to which I am accustomed while in a private bed, not to mention it’s already getting ridiculously hot and I don’t want to spend hours in the sun when a quick 12-minute session is all I need. Yes, I know I know it’s bad for me, but done responsibly with appropriate pre- and post-tan skincare, the potential dangers are mitigated. I’ve been tanning for YEARS and don’t look like some wrinkled, middle-aged, leather sofa. So there.

Secondly, even though there are DIY hair coloring options, I can’t trim my own hair. I’ve tried in the past and ended up resembling my fourth-grade school photo with a choppy, uneven, mom-used-craft-scissors ‘do. So, while I am able to cover my graying roots and maintain my lovely brunette hue, I desperately need a trim. The same goes for my boyfriend whose head is getting puffy from all the hair he desperately needs cut but won’t let me near with scissors. Hey, I can trim other people’s hair, just not my own. Chicken.

Next, why in the hell are city, state, and national parks, beaches, and other outdoor public recreation venues closed? Amidst the ad nauseum spate of bullshit social distancing “guidelines,” nobody is going to catch the virus outside. It’s not floating around waiting to invade (which is why I laugh hysterically at those sheep who insist on wearing masks and gloves while outside.) Good grief, we all need some fresh air and sunshine. Oh, and human contact with non-relatives would be nice.

By the way, I expect the National Parks Service to extend my annual parks pass for which I paid a pretty penny for a few months to compensate my loss.

Finally, of course, gun stores are essential because Second Amendment. ‘Nuff said.

As for non-essential businesses? Governors’ offices and Congress.