Bite Your Tongue

I hate being called “ma’am.” Yes, I know “hate” is a strong word and leaves a bad taste in some people’s mouths. So, I ask these folks, what would you prefer? Abhor? Detest? Loathe? Despise? Insert your preferred word, but I’m going to stick with “hate.” Because I do.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand that those who utter it (as well as “sir”) do so out of respect, and kudos to their parents for instilling within their children manners and respect because, Lord knows, there is a huge shortage of manners in today’s world (a topic best left for another rant.)

Anyway, back to “ma’am.”

What would I rather be called? Oh, how about ANYTHING else: “miss” or “mizz”, perhaps? “Madam”, maybe (even though I don’t own a brothel.) Even “sir”, “bro”, or “dude” is preferable to “ma’am”. As someone who is deep in the throes of a midlife crisis that has been ongoing for, oh, 13 years, anything that makes me uber cognizant of the fact that I am, despite my utter contempt for the word, middle-aged needn’t be said. Ever.

I’m doing a fantastic job of fighting this whole aging thing. Seriously, I am. Not only do I not look my age, I neither feel nor act it, thanks to a (mostly) healthy diet, regular exercise, no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, outstanding skin care, and good genes. I oftentimes pass for late 30’s-early 40’s, and this removes a bit of the sting from being called “ma’am” and my ever-increasing age.

Oh, by the way, I’m looking for a fake ID that makes me 34 again, so if anyone knows anyone in the “creative printing” business, please let me know.

Under the Big Top

Well, I was going to put off sharing my irritation with the political world, but I figured now was the time. I realize I’m going to alienate half-ish of my audience, but we do live in the United States and have freedom of speech thanks to our wonderful Constitution and Bill of Rights. And yes, while freedom of speech is not unlimited as the US Supreme Court issued certain exceptions, my blogging about my views, opinions, and irritations is wholly protected.

If you don’t like what I have to say, then don’t read it.

Moving on, I am a conservative who voted for, and will again vote for, Donald Trump. Unlike the majority of presidents in recent years (decades?), he actually cares for the US and her citizens. He does what he says he’s going to do (wow, what a concept?!). He actually gets results (stock market, Jerusalem, lowest unemployment rates in YEARS, impressive GDP, etc.). He’s getting our wall built to ensure that illegals, criminals, drugs, and human traffickers cannot simply enter our country willy-nilly. Kudos, sir. Keep up the good work.

The fact that he is a businessman and not a career politician who became a millionaire whilst in office (a la Clinton, Obama, Pelosi, Schumer, Kerry, Lynch, Comey, Waters, Brennan, McCain, Feinstein, Schiff, Clapper, Biden, etc. etc. etc. doing what, pray tell?) was and continues to be, perhaps, his biggest selling point and the reason why his support continues to increase. Yes, increase. Don’t believe the liberal propaganda on CNN, MSNBC, CNBC, etc.

That said, the relentless witch hunt by the left has not only wasted and continues to waste considerable time, money, and other resources, but is also wholly unfounded and based upon proven lies. The author of the infamous “pee dossier” admitted under oath in front of Congress that it was based on lies. After THREE-AND-A-HALF YEARS, there is still no evidence of Russian collusion between Trump and Putin.

And now the impeachment sham. Yes, sham. There is zero evidence of any impeachable offenses committed by our current president. Too bad the same can’t be said for the predecessor who, hopefully, will end up in prison along with Clinton and the rest of their treasonous minions. These asinine traitors want to negate the will of the people and overturn a perfectly legitimate election. When the Mueller investigation wasted millions of dollars and did nothing, the impeachment talk began. First, they talked about impeaching Trump for obstruction of justice and collusion. Now it’s, what, obstruction of Congress and bribery? Seriously.

Trump didn’t provide political favors and tons of money to get his unqualified loser son a job with a Ukranian power company. Trump didn’t sell Putin 1/4 of US uranium. Trump didn’t send a palette full of cash to Iran. Trump didn’t say, “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor” before making health insurance completely unaffordable. Trump didn’t let Americans die in Benghazi. Trump didn’t delete 30,000 emails after being subpoenaed. Trump didn’t have people killed who had evidence against him. I could go on, but I’m just going to irritate myself even more.

And you know what? The American people (those with a brain who can see through the lamestream, er mainstream media’s anti-American spin) are sick of it. Let the democrats continue with their three-ring circus as their snowflake lemmings prepare to be disappointed yet again come November. I am certainly entertained watching them self-destruct. And I’m not the only one.

That reminds me. I need to get more popcorn.

Say What?

Most of us text. With the plethora of smart phones and quasi-affordable talk and text (and data) plans, really, the only people who don’t text are folks like my stepdad who still has a flip phone and long-time Sprint customers because Sprint could give a shit about long-time loyal customers.

Anyway, many of us voice text. I do it when I’m driving, I mean stopped at a red light, or when I’m writing or cleaning or otherwise using my hands. The problem with voice texting is that it doesn’t understand English. Seriously, some of the shit that my phone thinks it hears is ridiculous.

For example, I say, “Oh, the moon is pretty tonight.” But it comes out as, “Show the men’s pretty alright.” Huh?! Or how about the time I said, “I could stay up really late and then be in bed when you get home,” yet the message is bastardized into “I could stay up Billy Kate and then being dead when you get home.” A recent favorite of mine was, “I need to get both of my knees x-rayed” which became “I need to get both of my fees x-rated.” Good one, phone. Thanks.

Another issue with voice texting is that you have to be careful that there’s nobody else speaking that the phone may inadvertently pick up. A couple of months ago I was voice texting a supervisor at work while talking to my boyfriend and ended up ending my text with “I love you.” Of course, I was mortified and had to immediately follow that message up with one explaining that it wasn’t meant for him. Even worse, I was voice texting my boss and my phone picked up (from the television) “There’s no fucking way.” Good grief. That was another OMG I’m getting fired moment. Thankfully, my boss is a cool guy and chuckled at my panicked explanation. Needless to say, I don’t voice text anyone at work anymore.

I do realize that a lot of problems could be avoided if one proofreads the message before hitting send (and ensures that it’s going to the right person), but that just makes too much sense and is too difficult to do whilst driving, er, I mean stopped at a red light.

Do you have any embarrassing and egregious text mishaps? I’d love to read them.

Let Them Eat Meat

So, I used to be a vegetarian. I started just to see if I could, and I could, so yay me. However, I really missed fish and chicken wings, so now I am a pesca-fowl-atarian (no, it’s not a word, I just made it up. Work with me, people.)

Anyway, one thing I noticed (and how could I not) was that aside from fruits, vegetables, tofu, and beans, vegetarian food is ridiculously expensive. Granted, there are many Morningstar Farms and other brands of vegetarian “meat” products such as veggie burgers, bean burgers, couscous burgers, quinoa and brown rice burgers, chickenless chicken patties, meatless meatballs (wouldn’t that just be “balls”?), fishless fish sticks, and ground meat “crumbles” to name a few. It’s not bad, in fact, many of these products are quite good. The problem is the price.

Take, for example, ground beef. The really fatty 60%/40% artery-clogging shit that Walmart shoppers tend to purchase in 20-pound logs can be had for, oh, $0.99/pound. The leaner blends like 80%/20% or 90%/10% can go for as much as $2-$3/pound. Even ground turkey is only about $4/pound. Morningstar Farms “meat crumbles” are $5.99 for a 12-ounce bag. If you’re lucky, you might be able to find it for $5.79. Does this sound fair? No, of course not. Essentially, vegetarians/vegans are being punished for eating healthily.

In a similar vein, I am also lactose intolerant. So not only did I have to spend an exorbitant amount on meat substitutes, I also had (and continue to have) to spend a ridiculous amount of money on non-dairy dairy products.

Milk varietals aren’t too terribly expensive. With the numerous brands of almond, cashew, coconut, soy, oat, goat, and yak milk, one can usually get a decent price. So, whereas a gallon of regular milk is about $3, I can typically find my no-sugar-added vanilla almond milk for about $2.79 for a half gallon. Oat milk is more expensive, but it’s so good (provided you don’t mind drinking chunky gray “milk” or watching your Cheerios floating around in what resembles sewage.) You can even make your own oat milk if you so desire. But I digress.

Cheese and ice cream are where the pocketbook begins to hurt. Vegan cheese is easily 3-4 times the price of regular cheese. The same goes for vegetarian/vegan pizza. You can get 12 Tony’s 10-inch meat lovers supreme pizzas for $2 but one 9-inch Daiya vegan veggie pizza is $8.99. What the hell?!

And ice cream?! Decent non-dairy ice cream that doesn’t taste like the layer of irremovable ice in my freezer is about $6 per pint. PINT. “Normal” ice cream is, what, two gallons for $4 when they’re on sale. When my ice cream is on sale, I only have to pay $5 per pint. Yay me.

So how about it, manufacturers? How about making some of this stuff a bit more affordable? In my dreams, right?

Jingle This

I already don’t like this time of year. For one, it’s far too commercial, and it seems as though every year we are inundated with holiday decor and advertisements that inform the brainwashed masses who think they must buy their spouse a Lexus and their kids the latest and greatest popular toy (that will, undoubtedly, break after a week) earlier and earlier. This year, I saw a bunch of holiday, crap, er stuff out before Halloween. Call me crazy (everyone else does), but that’s far too early. It’s almost akin to seeing Valentine’s Day (yet another high-dollar “holiday”) stuff at Christmastime.

Anyway, in addition to the obnoxious advertisements (that entice people to spend exorbitant amounts of money purchasing gifts for ungrateful family members and lukewarm friends who they only see, oh, twice per year and who aren’t going to like whatever they get anyway), the epileptic seizure inducing holiday lights, the annoying and overplayed music, and the overcrowded stores, I am also not a fan of holiday smells.

Smells, you may ask, what smells? Now, I’m not talking smells like unbathed rednecks swarming the crowded aisles at Walmart who reek of cigarettes, cheap beer, and pork rinds. I’m referring specifically to the nauseating smell of cinnamon. Cinnamon everything: candles, air fresheners, ornaments, the whole shebang. I absolutely despise the smell of cinnamon. I’m okay with freshly baked desserts such as cinnamon rolls. It’s the disgusting, artificial, vomit-inducing stench of the fake shit that seems to permeate the atmosphere with a blanket of fetid foulness covering the Earth and offending my olfactory system.

Now, in addition to the aforementioned holiday annoyances, perhaps the most offensive are those annoying-as-fuck Salvation Army bell ringers who swarm the entrances to every possible place I need to go (grocery store, anyone) with their irritating and relentless clamor. Case in point, I was at Walmart yesterday (big mistake, big, HUGE) buying a toilet seat, Swiffer dusters, Kleenex, melatonin, and oatmeal because that’s what Walmart is for. After navigating the malodorous aisles, I was a bit annoyed (okay, a lot annoyed) by the time I left the store. Not only did I feel like a salmon trying to exit the store fighting the swarms of festive folks with zero spatial awareness, there was an annoying woman ringing her bell so as to proclaim her holiday festivity for the entire state of Nevada to hear, who decided that singing Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs was an appropriate endeavor. Let me tell you, it wasn’t. After my malevolent glare failed to explode her head a la Scanners, it took everything my loving supportive boyfriend who has the patience of a saint had to keep me from shoving her Godforsaken bell down her throat. What about Silent Night, huh?

Happy Holidays everyone!

Gridlocked

I’ve been on a tear lately with respect to moronic drivers who either don’t know traffic laws, don’t care about them, are too egomaniacal to realize that the law applies to them, or are just too stupid. Lately, my money is on stupid.

Today’s rant is about those motorists who like to block intersections because they can’t wait the five or so minutes for the green light to come back around to them. No, they’re too impatient and/or too stupid and, apparently, don’t mind blocking a major, traffic light-controlled intersection and preventing other motorists from going on their merry little way.

Lately, I’ve had more than my share of stress at the hands of these morons. I have had to sit at a red light for multiple cycles simply because the intersection is blocked when I have the right-of-way. Further, when I arrive at or leave work, I have to wait to turn at a traffic signal; however, more often than not, I am neither able to enter nor exit the parking garage because of idiots blocking my way.

According to Nevada law (NRS 484B.450), “1. A person shall not stop, stand or park a vehicle, except when necessary to avoid conflict with other traffic or in compliance with law or the directions of a police officer or official traffic-control device, in any of the following places: … (c) Within an intersection ….

Now, that’s pretty damn clear, don’t you think?

I started taking photos of these motorists’ vehicles and forwarding them to a cop friend of mine. Karma is, indeed, a bitch,

Weekend at Ruthie’s

The right-versus-left chasm keeps growing. Ever since Donald Trump was duly elected president in 2016, democrats and their communist/socialist minions have been trying to remove him from office. Such efforts include attempting to eliminate the electoral college, launching a bogus Russian collusion “investigation,” levying false accusations against the executive administration, lying to Congress, exonerating known criminals (ahem cough Hillary cough), and, even more recently, consuming themselves with an impeachment process that will never reach fruition.

Instead of maintaining their oaths of office to support and defend the U.S. Constitution, in reality, they are doing whatever they can to undermine it. From free speech restrictions to unconstitutional efforts to remove citizens’ RIGHT to keep and bear arms, to trying to step on Americans’ rights in every direction toward the goal of making the United States of America an open-border socialist welfare third-world shit hole..

This will never happen.

Among one of the thorns in President Trump’s side is a U.S. Supreme Court with octogenarian justices who should have retired years ago but won’t even if it would be in his/her best interests. Case in point: Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Justice Ginsburg is the most extreme lefty on the court, and she, not unlike the throngs of corrupt democrats in our government, hates the president with every fiber of her frail being. Thus, she is attempting to do whatever it takes to stay on the bench and prevent President Trump’s third appointment to the high court.

Face it, the woman is 85 years old. She’s had treatment for cancer twice, fell and broke three ribs, and has recently been hospitalized for fever and chills. Any normal person would realize that maybe s/he isn’t qualified to continue working in his/her best capacity.

She recently said, and I’m paraphrasing, that she plans to do her job until she can’t anymore. Hey Ruthie, you can’t anymore. You’re missing days due to multiple health problems. And let’s not forget the fact that you fall asleep at the drop of a hat (Kavanaugh hearings, anyone?) I kept waiting to see someone hold a mirror under her nose to ensure that she was still breathing.

This country has already faced nearly four years of failed anti-American rhetoric and investigations that have cost we the taxpayers millions of dollars and caused a huge party rift that doesn’t show any signs of being remedied.

So, come on Ruthie, step down. It’s way past due.

Welcome to the Jungle

Have you ever noticed that people tend to walk the same way they drive? Here in Las Vegas, the land where nobody can drive worth a shit, I find myself the victim of tailgaters, those who drive without lights at night, texting drivers who almost cause accidents, speed demons who weave in and out of traffic only to get to the traffic signal before anyone else (was it worth it?!), ridiculously loud bass music emanating from a vehicle that makes my windows vibrate and my bladder, oh well, never mind about that, and folks who block intersections just so they don’t have to wait through a red light. It’s so frustrating and annoying.

Lately, however, I have increasingly noticed that people display the same lack of awareness whilst walking, especially in casinos. There are those who are texting while ambling around, oblivious to what or who is around them. Then there are those who stop suddenly while I am walking behind them. Others are speed-walking without any care of who or what they may run into. Some are talking on their phones loudly enough that one cannot help but eavesdrop. And, of course, smokers make this worse because not only do I have to navigate throngs of bodies but also have to keep an eye out for lit cigarettes; something else of which folks tend to be unaware. And why are people still smoking? It’s disgusting, unhealthy, and physically distressing for those of us with smoke sensitivities/allergies.

I tell ya, the more I’m around people, the less I want to be around people. Especially in close quarters.

Peace out.

Bah, Humbug

For anyone who knows me, the fact that I am not a holiday person shouldn’t surprise him/her, but, oddly, it does. I despise all holidays: Thanksgiving, Mother’s and Father’s Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, and, especially, Christmas.

The whole commercialization of holidays turned me off to them years ago. I abhor and, frankly, dread going into a store in October and being inundated with Christmas music, decorations, etc. for the next two months. And, let’s not forget television commercials instructing viewers what to buy, where to buy, and for whom to buy.

If I want to give someone a gift, I don’t need advertisers telling me when and what. I also refuse to spend $7 for a greeting card.

It floors me how people get so wrapped up (pun intended) in all of the people on their Christmas list and who wants what and how much they are spending. I find it completely ridiculous that anyone would put themselves in debt to buy a bunch of overpriced crap for typically ungrateful people who are going to return whatever they get that isn’t exactly what they asked for.

There’s my two cents. I will now return you to your regularly scheduled holiday glee.

Punctuation 101: The Apostrophe

Apostrophe misuse is my biggest pet peeve, and yes, I am a nerd. I cringe every time I see signs or other printed material wherein an apostrophe is incorrectly used to make a word plural. I have taken it upon myself to notify, inform, teach, and correct (thanks to my handy dandy Sharpie pen I always carry) those who can’t seem to get it into their thick skulls that AN APOSTROPHE IS NOT USED TO MAKE A WORD PLURAL.

I am amazed and mortified how many people don’t have a basic grasp of grammar. It’s not that difficult. If you have one dog, and then add another, you have two dogs. Not dog’s. If Johnny has five apples and Susie has six apples, then how many apples do they have together? Eleven apples. Not apple’s. I am a die hard Vegas Golden Knights fan. Not Knight’s.

Simple, right? One would think so, but no.

Instead I am inundated on a daily basis with glaring apostrophe errors everywhere. Buy two bone’s and get one free. Granny Smith apple’s are on sale for $.99/pound. Buy two pound’s of broccoli and get one free.

It’s aggravating.

Apostrophes are used to denote possession as in the baby’s blanket, the dog’s collar, my neighbor’s noisy car, and my boyfriend’s sexy butt. These are examples of singular possession. One subject and something belonging to that subject.

There is also plural possession as in the cats’ litter box, my daughters’ bedroom, and my grandparents’ dentures. In these cases, the subject word is first pluralized (with an s and no apostrophe), and then the apostrophe comes at the end to denote possession.

In some cases, yes, the apostrophe does make a plural. These limited cases deal with numbers and letters. How many number 8’s do you have. Sally received three A’s and three B’s on her report card.

It really isn’t that difficult. Really.