Parched

I have recently become quite addicted to Powerade Zero. But only the red ones. You know, fruit punch. It’s a nice replacement for sugar-laden soda (although I will still drink one on occasion) and provides a pleasant change from the gallons of water I consume daily.

As far as the zeros go, it is available in orange, grape, and blue mixed berry. Yuck. Yuck. Super Yuck. And, of course, the red fruit punch. While I have no problem whatsoever finding my beloved beverage in the 32-ounce size (and, I might add heavily discounted thanks to grocery store sales), trying to find the eight-pack of 20-ounce bottles is even more difficult than trying to locate a needle in a haystack, a four-leaf clover in a field, or your contact lenses on casino carpet.

And before you think it, just don’t. Gatorade is gross. Truly repugnant.

I have looked high and low, in numerous Albertsons, Smith’s, and Vons, and in several Walmarts and Targets to no avail. Oh sure, the disgusting blue ones are everywhere. In fact, in many retail outlets, there’s not even a space on the shelves for the fruit punch ones. Regular fruit punch is abundant but not the zero ones. Why is that, Coca Cola? Why is this item so damn difficult to find? I’ve even asked grocery managers to order it, which, apparently, they can’t, or, more accurately, won’t. Pfft.

Yes, I know I can order it on Amazon and have it delivered like some antisocial shut-in who can’t grocery shop for herself. But that’s beside the point even though I may be just a skosh antisocial. Just a skosh, mind you. But I enjoy grocery shopping. I particularly relish playing “Stump the Checker” with some uncommon produce item that very few people purchase such as fennel, rutabagas, or parsnips which force the person ringing me up to ask what it is. Sometimes, when I’m feeling really obnoxious, I memorize the item’s number and provide that to the cashier.

Well, I’m off to order 12 family packs of Powerade Zero fruit punch from Amazon. Until next time.

Bah, Humbug

For anyone who knows me, the fact that I am not a holiday person shouldn’t surprise him/her, but, oddly, it does. I despise all holidays: Thanksgiving, Mother’s and Father’s Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, and, especially, Christmas.

The whole commercialization of holidays turned me off to them years ago. I abhor and, frankly, dread going into a store in October and being inundated with Christmas music, decorations, etc. for the next two months. And, let’s not forget television commercials instructing viewers what to buy, where to buy, and for whom to buy.

If I want to give someone a gift, I don’t need advertisers telling me when and what. I also refuse to spend $7 for a greeting card.

It floors me how people get so wrapped up (pun intended) in all of the people on their Christmas list and who wants what and how much they are spending. I find it completely ridiculous that anyone would put themselves in debt to buy a bunch of overpriced crap for typically ungrateful people who are going to return whatever they get that isn’t exactly what they asked for.

There’s my two cents. I will now return you to your regularly scheduled holiday glee.

Punctuation 101: The Apostrophe

Apostrophe misuse is my biggest pet peeve, and yes, I am a nerd. I cringe every time I see signs or other printed material wherein an apostrophe is incorrectly used to make a word plural. I have taken it upon myself to notify, inform, teach, and correct (thanks to my handy dandy Sharpie pen I always carry) those who can’t seem to get it into their thick skulls that AN APOSTROPHE IS NOT USED TO MAKE A WORD PLURAL.

I am amazed and mortified how many people don’t have a basic grasp of grammar. It’s not that difficult. If you have one dog, and then add another, you have two dogs. Not dog’s. If Johnny has five apples and Susie has six apples, then how many apples do they have together? Eleven apples. Not apple’s. I am a die hard Vegas Golden Knights fan. Not Knight’s.

Simple, right? One would think so, but no.

Instead I am inundated on a daily basis with glaring apostrophe errors everywhere. Buy two bone’s and get one free. Granny Smith apple’s are on sale for $.99/pound. Buy two pound’s of broccoli and get one free.

It’s aggravating.

Apostrophes are used to denote possession as in the baby’s blanket, the dog’s collar, my neighbor’s noisy car, and my boyfriend’s sexy butt. These are examples of singular possession. One subject and something belonging to that subject.

There is also plural possession as in the cats’ litter box, my daughters’ bedroom, and my grandparents’ dentures. In these cases, the subject word is first pluralized (with an s and no apostrophe), and then the apostrophe comes at the end to denote possession.

In some cases, yes, the apostrophe does make a plural. These limited cases deal with numbers and letters. How many number 8’s do you have. Sally received three A’s and three B’s on her report card.

It really isn’t that difficult. Really.

Lights, Cam…, er Lights, Lights, LIGHTS!

I swear, I have never seen so many cars at night driving down the road with their lights off. Granted, Las Vegas is quite illuminated after dark with neon lighting ad nauseum; however, this does not give you clueless and inattentive motorists the right to drive down a busy street without lights.

Now, as the good Samaritan I am who does a daily good deed and tries to flood the universe with good karma (to make up for this blog, apparently), I try to inform you, as nicely as possible, of course, that your lights are off. Whether I flash my high beams into your rear window, cut you off and turn my lights on and off, or try to get you to roll your window down at a stoplight, more often than not, you are beyond clueless.

Frankly, I don’t understand how you can get in your car at night and not notice your lights aren’t on. Seriously. Get off your damn phone and pay attention.