Say What?

Most of us text. With the plethora of smart phones and quasi-affordable talk and text (and data) plans, really, the only people who don’t text are folks like my stepdad who still has a flip phone and long-time Sprint customers because Sprint could give a shit about long-time loyal customers.

Anyway, many of us voice text. I do it when I’m driving, I mean stopped at a red light, or when I’m writing or cleaning or otherwise using my hands. The problem with voice texting is that it doesn’t understand English. Seriously, some of the shit that my phone thinks it hears is ridiculous.

For example, I say, “Oh, the moon is pretty tonight.” But it comes out as, “Show the men’s pretty alright.” Huh?! Or how about the time I said, “I could stay up really late and then be in bed when you get home,” yet the message is bastardized into “I could stay up Billy Kate and then being dead when you get home.” A recent favorite of mine was, “I need to get both of my knees x-rayed” which became “I need to get both of my fees x-rated.” Good one, phone. Thanks.

Another issue with voice texting is that you have to be careful that there’s nobody else speaking that the phone may inadvertently pick up. A couple of months ago I was voice texting a supervisor at work while talking to my boyfriend and ended up ending my text with “I love you.” Of course, I was mortified and had to immediately follow that message up with one explaining that it wasn’t meant for him. Even worse, I was voice texting my boss and my phone picked up (from the television) “There’s no fucking way.” Good grief. That was another OMG I’m getting fired moment. Thankfully, my boss is a cool guy and chuckled at my panicked explanation. Needless to say, I don’t voice text anyone at work anymore.

I do realize that a lot of problems could be avoided if one proofreads the message before hitting send (and ensures that it’s going to the right person), but that just makes too much sense and is too difficult to do whilst driving, er, I mean stopped at a red light.

Do you have any embarrassing and egregious text mishaps? I’d love to read them.